Top 5 Beers

Top Guy

1) Leinenkugel's
The Leinenkugel family has being brewing beer in middle-of-nowhere Wisconsin for more than 140 years. My favorite is Leinenkugel’s Red, but the Original and Honey Weiss also are quite excellent. (There are 11 varieties in all.) You can even cook with a Leinie—the company’s website has an entire section with family recipes that use the beer.

2) Pabst Blue Ribbon
This makes the list for three reasons. One, it did win a blue ribbon in 1893. Two, now that Budweiser is owned by a Belgium corporation, PBR is the quintessential American beer. Three, thanks to Blue Velvet, whenever anybody orders a Heineken within earshot, you can say “Heineken, f--- that sh--. Pabst Blue Ribbon.”

3) Newcastle Brown Ale
The bottle looks cool, the beer tastes great, and the city’s soccer team isn’t half bad either.

4) Guinness
If you don’t like Guinness, then you should just admit that you don’t like beer.

5) Yuengling
Founded in Pottsville , Pennsylvania , in 1829, Yuengling lays claim to being America ’s oldest beer. Pennsylvania has a proud brewing history—the Keystone State was also the birthplace of Rolling Rock and Iron City —and Yuengling is the best cheap beer that never won a blue ribbon.

Top Lady

1) Żywiec
If you live outside of Poland or Chicago you’ve probably never had this beer, which is too bad. Pronounced “Ziv-yetz,” it’s crisp, not too bitter, very smooth, and 6.0% proof (most American beers are around 4.0%).

2) Carlsburg
The thinking man’s Heineken. (That thinker, of course, is Soren Kierkegaard.)

3) Guinness
A German, and American, and an Irishman walk into a bar. The German says “Bartender, give me the best beer in the world—a Beck’s!” Then the American says “No, give me the best beer in the world—a Budweiser!” The Irishman says, “I’ll have a glass of water.” The other two look at him, perplexed, and the Irishman says “Well, if the two of ya’s are drinkin’ it, I didn’t want to be rude.”

4) Barley’s MacLenny's Scottish Ale (Columbus , OH )
As good as some of the international brands can be, beer is meant to be microbrewed. Micropubs and breweries are kind of like indie labels; some get to be “major indies” (like Sam Adams) with worldwide distributors, some remain region-specific, but you can typically find them in the grocery store—especially if they have clever packaging, like Great Lakes Brewing out of Cleveland. But the blessing and curse is finding a great brewpub—and then moving away from being able to enjoy their products. Well, that’s what vacation is for, right?

5) Busch Light in a can
I know. It’s kind of gross. But who hasn’t been to a party, opened up the fridge, and found this to be the only remaining option? Who hasn’t taken a sip of Busch Light out of some aunt or uncle’s can as a kid at a backyard picnic? Also, for some reason, cans of light beer seem to be the only option available for underage high schoolers. Despite its metallic, bitter taste, for many Americans, the taste of Busch Light from a can is our madeleine cookie.