Top 5 Inventors

Top Lady

1) Nikola Tesla
I can’t even explain a lot of Tesla’s inventions and how they work. But I do know that, aside from providing the city of Buffalo, NY, with hydroelectric power, inventing alternating current (AC) power, the lightning rod, ways to use x-rays, and a host of other transmitters and transformers, Tesla was the first to envision a main characteristic of modern life—wireless communications and energy transmission. Think about that the next time you talk on your cell phone.

2) Thomas Edison
Let’s just get it out of the way: the light bulb, phonographic recording, movies, voting machines, and even tattoo stencils—the man had over 1,000 patents before he died. Revival of interest in the struggle between Edison and Tesla around 1886 has produced a lot of books and documentaries showing Edison to be a real jerk. (Try to find footage of the film he produced of an elephant being killed using Tesla’s alternating current—actually…no, don’t.) But he is indisputably the giant of American ingenuity (well, until those Google guys came along).

3) Johannes Gutenberg
The Chinese may have invented a version of moveable clay tiles in the 1300s, but it’s Gutenberg’s 1438 invention that ushered in 600 years of books, newspapers, and every sort of printed material, and consequentially, mass literacy among the merchant classes of Europe.

4) Philo T. Farnsworth
The man who invented television (and his wife, whom he always gave equal credit) is almost completely forgotten by history—due in part to the selling of his patent to RCA Victor, which led to a classic little-guy vs. big-corporation battle. (You don’t have to guess who won).

5) Bo Diddley
Aside from his rightful claim as being “The Originator” of the link between country and blues to create rock 'n’ roll, Bo Diddley truly was the creator of the “Bo Diddley Beat”—heard in his namesake song, his hit “Who Do You Love?”, the Buddy Holly song “Not Fade Away,” and countless other crossover hits.

Top Guy

1) Henry Ford
Ford often is erroneously credited with inventing the car. He didn’t. But he did create the assembly line, which revolutionized heavy industry and made the United States the world’s leading superpower.

2) Tim Berners-Lee
A group of super-smart American nerds invented the Internet (aided by massive Congressional funding spearheaded by then-Senator Al Gore). Berners-Lee wasn’t one of those folks, but the British-born computer scientist did invent the World Wide Web, which made the Internet accessible to the average guy and gal. It’s just a guess, but he’s probably not too thrilled that most people use his invention to look at porn or to goof off at work.

3) Orville and Wilbur Wright
Let’s get this straight; Ohio is the birthplace of flight. Yes, North Carolinians, I’m looking at you. The Wright Brothers were from Dayton, they developed their ideas about flight in Dayton, and they even did their early testing in Dayton. The Wrights only moved to North Carolina because the lighter winds and lower air density made it easier for their plane to take off.

4) Les Paul
If Les Paul was nothing more than a jazz guitarist, his place in history would be secure. But Paul pioneered the invention of the solid-body electric guitar, and created recording innovations such as multitrack recording, overdubbing, delay effects and phasing effects. If you listen to recorded music, you’ve heard some of Paul’s inventions.

5) Otto Rohwedder
Who’s Otto Rohwedder? He’s the Chillicothe, Mo., man who invented sliced bread.

Top 5 Months

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1) May
Like I wasn’t going to put my birth month No. 1 on this list.

2) December
We celebrate the birth of Christ by giving each other presents. We celebrate the start of a new year by getting drunk and kissing people. Sure, it’s always way too cold, but December has plenty of upside.

3) June
In the immortal words of Alice Cooper: “School’s out for summer/ School’s out forever/ School’s been blown to pieces.”

4) November
Two of my favorite yearly events happen near the end of the month: the Ohio State-Michigan game and Thanksgiving. (And yes, they’re in that order.)

5) October
The last day of the month is a treat for boys of all ages. When we’re young, we get a nearly limitless amount of candy. When we’re older, women use Halloween as an excuse to dress as slutily as they can. October also gets props for inspiring a kickin’ U2 album.

Top Lady

1) October
Rocktober rules because the weather is fantastic pretty much everywhere in the United States, fall fashion comes back into play, you get the random day off of Columbus day, everyone gets crazy around Halloween, and after it's over, my own birthday happens. Also, Oktoberfest (which, I know, is technically in September, but still…)

2) January
Let’s be honest—aren’t you a little relieved when the holidays are over, the in-laws leave, and you can get back to your normal work/school life? When the clean slate of January is accompanied by a clean, quiet snowfall, it’s even better.

3) July
The sight of fireworks in the night sky turns everyone into a gape-mouthed five-year-old, and July is the perfect month for backyard cookouts and road trips. It’s also one of the few times a year when you can get locally grown peaches and berries.

4) December
Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, New Year’s, the Holiday Office Party and Festivus. December just has too many reasons to drink to not be a top month.

5) March
Weatherwise, I hate March—the whole month is like a wet, slushy, windy bruise on the calendar. But there’s one day when the sun shines, people have hearts full of song, and young girls dance on slow-moving flatbed trucks. On the day that the Chicago River turns green, though, try and have a Guinness, instead of drinking beer the same color….

Top 5 Clash songs

Top Lady

1) Spanish Bombs
Ardently political, punky, poppy, with a touch of romanticism (“O mi corazon”)—this song perfectly embodies the Clash.

2) London Calling
In the Clash’s world, a perpetual war rages on--in economic, social, and environmental spheres. That military-march guitar sound (that could have been coming from the Gang of Four) is offset by that mysterious, ominous bass line that seems to come from the Thames at the start of the song, and the distress-call lyrics are finalized by the fading S.O.S. Morse code at the end. Pretty terrifying for a song you can rock out to.

3) Janie Jones
A song about a young laddie—how British (and a precursor to about three dozen Blur/Oasis songs).

4) Guns of Brixton
Joe Strummer learned everything he ever knew about reggae from Clash bassist Paul Simonon, who wrote and sings this one. Kind of a precursor to the “Bad Boys” song from COPS, now that I think about it…

5) This is Radio Clash
A fun, youthful song that pushes them over into “Should I Stay or Should I Go” territory, but they’re still singing about the First Amendment, so I guess it’s political enough. Interestingly, this song contains the line “this is not radio free Europe” and came out in the same year as R.E.M.’s song of that name—but I doubt there’s a connection.

Top Guy

1) Garageland
The Clash’s eponymous first album closes with the perfect punk rock song. It’s loud. It’s fast. It’s angry. And it has a great first line: “Back in the garage with my bullshit detector.”

2) Guns of Brixton
Speaking of great first lines, it’s difficult to top “When they kick in your front door/How you gonna come?/With your hands on your head/Or on the trigger of your gun?” The beauty of the Clash was that it expanded what could be considered punk—“Brixton” owes more to reggae traditions than it does to the Ramones.

3) Straight to Hell
The band had pretty much broken apart by the time it recorded Combat Rock, and the resulting record was a mixed bag at best. For every “Should I Stay or Should I Go” and “Rock the Casbah,” there’s an “Overpowered by Funk” and “Ghetto Defendant.” With its wiry guitar line and almost trance-inducing pace, “Straight to Hell” is the album’s true gem.

4) I’m So Bored with the U.S.A.
Bands tread a fine line between insight and sloganeering with political songs, and the Clash walked that tightrope better than most. It took Joe Strummer and the boys less than three minutes to synthesize everything wrong with the American dream, and they get bonus points for having the balls to open their first-ever U.S. show with the diatribe.

5) Train in Vain
London Calling closed with the greatest hidden track of all time. Why was “Train in Vain” hidden? Because it’s not political. Instead, it is a love song (or more precisely, an ode to love gone wrong). But “Train in Vain” proves that the Clash could write a great pop song but instead chose to write about what it thought truly mattered.

Top 5 Paul Newman movies

Top Guy

1) Cool Hand Luke (1967)
At some point, everyone wants to be as cool as Paul Newman’s Luke. He earns respect by always dragging himself back up, he makes dumb bets because 50 seems like a nice round number, and he’s the ultimate thorn in authority’s side. Luke proves again and again that sometimes nothing is a real cool hand.

2) The Hustler (1961)
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof made Newman a star, but this is the film that made him Paul Newman. He plays pool shark Eddie Felson, and Newman seems to live and die with each of Felson’s ups and downs. The scene where Felson hustles the wrong guys—and gets his thumbs broken in the process—is one of the most excruciating images captured on celluloid. He later revived the role for The Color of Money, winning a Best Actor Oscar in the process.

3) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
There might not be two more beloved anti-heroes than Cassidy (Newman) and Sundance (Robert Redford). They rob banks and trains, trade wisecracks and flee to Bolivia when times get too tough in the United States. The final scene, where the pair tries to shoot their way through the Bolivian army, is the ultimate us-against-the-world statement.

4) Hudsucker Proxy (1994)
He’s grumpy. He’s mean. And he’s the ultimate villain opposite Tim Robbins’ awe-shucks Norville Barnes.

5) Slap Shot (1977)
There are great baseball movies (Bull Durham, Pride of the Yankees), football movies (The Longest Yard, North Dallas Forty) and basketball movies (Hoosiers, Hoop Dreams), but there is only one truly great hockey movie. The film follows a struggling team that turns around its financial and athletic fortunes by using a steady stream of fighting and violence during games. Newman was the star, but Jeff Carlson, Steve Carlson and David Hanson steal the show as the ultra-violent Hanson brothers.

Top Lady

1) Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)
Newman always looked cool playing a tough guy or outlaw; in this drama, however, he brings a heartbreaking complexity to the role of a son and husband who has to overcome alcohol addiction and a few other unspoken, unresolved issues to fulfill his place in the family.

2) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
OK—does anyone not want to ride around on the handlebars of Paul Newman’s bike?

3) Road to Perdition (2002)
In one of his few coming-out-of-retirement roles, Newman plays an Irish mob boss outside of Chicago who must make a choice right out of Greek tragedy—his own son has killed a trusted ally. Does he punish the crime? Only someone with 57 years of acting skill behind him could bring such nuanced anguish to the screen.

4) Hud (1963)
The film where Hollywood and everyone else realized that Newman could play a role that would otherwise be characterized as “the villain” yet turn him into a charming anti-hero.

5) The Sting (1973)
Basically Butch Cassidy, Part 2, The Sting has some neat twists and turns, but it is basically just another romp with Robert Redford and Newman in period costumes. But if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.