Top 5 Matador Records Releases

Top Guy

1) Exile in Guyville, Liz Phair
When this record came out, I couldn’t decide if I wanted Liz Phair to be my cool sister or my even cooler girlfriend. Sadly, Phair never again matched the excellence of Exile, which is supposedly a track-by-track answer to the Rolling Stones’ Exile on Main Street. The highlights are “Stratford-On-Guy,” “Divorce Song” and “Help Me Mary,” but every song is a gem.

2) Bee Thousand, Guided by Voices
GBV didn’t reach its commercial height until Isolation Drills, but the Dayton, Ohio, band reached its artistic peak here. Bee Thousand is the album that brought lo-fi into the mainstream, and songwriters Robert Pollard and Tobin Sprout turned a collection of two minute pop songs into a work of art.

3) Superchunk, Superchunk
No Pocky for Kitty is consistently better, but Superchunk’s eponymous debut scores here because of “Slack Motherf**er,” possibly the best song the group ever wrote, and a song that should have served as the anthem of the Reality Bites generation.

4) Mass Romantic, New Pornographers
I used to work as a music critic, a job that makes you listen to so much bad work that you actually start hating music from time to time. It was at one of those low points that I first heard Mass Romantic, and it restored my faith in the art form.

5) Slanted and Enchanted, Pavement
If someone ever asked me what indie rock sounded like in the early ‘90s, I would hand them this record.

Top Lady

1) What’s Up Matador, Various Artists
Everyone, and I mean everyone I knew in college had this compilation when it came out in 1997. And, with stellar tracks by Matador all-stars, as well as sweet little one-tracks by bands whose whole albums you really don’t want to buy (Pizzicato Five, anyone?) it’s a great dip into an era and sound when electric guitars were still the tool of choice over bloops and bleeps.

2) If You're Feeling Sinister, Belle and Sebastian
Twee core was around well before B&S (see also: Beat Happening), but these moody Scots certainly ushered in the trend of inviting all 16 of your friends to be in your band and play random instruments. Stuart Murdoch’s pleasant, Nick Drake-y voice, ambiguously sensual lyrics, and no identifiable photos in the CD cover intrigued millions of fans and critics alike.

3) Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, Pavement
If someone ever asked me what indie rock sounded like in the early ‘90s, I would hand them this record.

4) And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out, Yo La Tengo
YLT has been around forever, played with everyone, and covered everyone. That said, when they get together and do their own thing, they can crank out the lo-fi like no one else. “Our Way to Fall” is a truly beautiful forgotten love song, and “You Can Have It All” lets you know that mellow groovin’ is still possible in the 2000’s.

5) Mass Romantic, The New Pornographers
I first heard of the NP’s when someone in Chicago told me she saw them last night and people were dancing. For those of you who didn’t go to rock shows in 1999, this was the equivalent of saying that the Supreme Court had just delivered its most recent opinion to the tune of “Hello Dolly!” People did not dance at shows. People looked at their shoelaces with their arms crossed. For me, these power poppers from Canada, along with the Strokes, truly ended the grunge/slacker movement once and for all, and ushered in the 2000’s with a really joyful approach to music that allowed bands to look like they were having fun again.

Top 5 Films Featuring Steve Buscemi

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1) Ghost World (2001)
Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson turn in outstanding performances, but there’s not another actor that could have pulled off the sad-sack audiophile who gets duped into a fake date as well as Buscemi does in this movie. As a side note, the Blues Hammer/old bluesman scene is one the funniest, saddest and most spot-on set pieces in the history of film.

2) The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)
This list could have been populated entirely by Coen Brothers films because Buscemi also acted in Barton Fink, Miller’s Crossing and the Big Lebowski, as well as Fargo, which is next on the list. He only has a small role in The Hudsucker Proxy as a Beatnik bartender in a watering hole frequented by Amy Archer (Jennifer Jason Lee), but this gets my nod because it’s my favorite Coen Brothers movie.

3) Fargo (1996)
Two years after The Hudsucker Proxy, the Coen Brothers gave Buscemi a much meatier role as a kidnapper-turned-murderer and later murder victim. The role was written specifically for Buscemi, who turns in a star-making performance despite being upstaged by Frances McDormand. One piece of trivia: The film isn’t actually based on a true story.

4) Billy Madison (1995)
Buscemi is perfect in small roles, and this might be his smallest. He’s onscreen only long enough to put down a shotgun, smear some lipstick on his face and cross Adam Sandler’s name off of a hit list. Despite his short time on screen, he gets the film’s biggest laugh.

5) Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Mr. Pink is an unfortunate name, but he has the good fortune to be the only major character to survive—he’s most likely arrested at the end. Mr. Pink’s best lines are at the film’s beginning, when he debates the meaning of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” and gives an anti-tipping monologue.

Top Lady

1) Fargo
Probably the performance that most people remember—especially since Steve ends up in a wood chipper. I bet he still gets people referring to him as a “funny lookin’ little guy.”

2) Ghost World
If he’s impossible to forget in Fargo, most people have to be reminded that Steve is also in Ghost World (and, in fact, has the third-largest role after the two girls). His roles often get described as “eccentric” but his personification of Seymour makes him into an eccentric who is actually trying to adjust and be a little more normal. His femme fatale is Thora Birch’s Enid, who obsesses, seduces, uses, discards, wins back, and then loses him.

3) Pulp Fiction
OK, so he only has a bit part as a waiter in this one, but it’s a memorable scene (at the diner, where Uma Thurman and John Travolta win the dance-off) in a movie that is basically a composite of memorable scenes.

4) Art School Confidential
This film begins as a satire on the level of “P.C.U.” but, midway through, turns truly dark and pessimistic. Co-written by Dan Clowes, this film is a nice counterpart to Ghost World, and is genuinely funny, especially when John Malkovich, as an art teacher, sighs with frustration while looking at his “greatest works”—paintings of solid triangles. Steve plays a coffee shop owner in this one.

5) Barton Fink
A Top 5 Steve Buscemi list could easily double as a Top 5 Coen Brothers list, so I tried to be selective. No, Barton Fink isn’t as good as The Big Lebowski or even Blood Simple, but (with the exception of Adaptation), it’s portrayal of how the process of writing can drive someone insane is unparalleled. Steve plays a bellhop named “CHET!”

Top 5 Comic Strips

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1) Achewood
To know Achewood is to love Roast Beef the Cat, little Philippe, Ray, Mr. Bear, Teodor and their friends. Definitely a critic’s darling at this point, Achewood’s unique voice comes from a blend of straight-faced parody, macabre dips into Edward Gorey territory, sweet innocence, ironic desperation and references to béchamel sauce. http://achewood.com/

2) The Far Side
I remember a 60 Minutes profile of Gary Larson where Lesley Stahl tried to dissect a Far Side cartoon featuring a bunch of featherless chickens on a beach and a sign that read “No Ducks.” Lesley had real trouble trying to put into words the reasons why it was funny, and I’m not going to try either, but I will say that, thanks to Larson, we know all know that, when a dog is just barking, they’re saying “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!”

3) Peanuts
Charles Schultz’s paean to the last of the nice guys, Charlie Brown, is held dear in the hearts of those who still believe in hope over experience. He’ll get that football someday!

4) Teen Girl Squad
Does this count? Seeing as I’m usually on the edge of my seat waiting for the next one, I’m going to throw it up here. Technically a comic within a cartoon, Teen Girl Squad is drawn by Strong Bad on the Homestar Runner website, who also happens to have total contempt for teenage girls. Seeing as anyone in the comic might randomly get attacked by possums or spring rolls in the next panel, this is probably the comic that most exercises the freedom of the artist to make anything happen.
http://www.homestarrunner.com

5) Calvin and Hobbes
I didn’t really like Calvin and Hobbes when it was actually running. I was a little too young for the nuances, and I seem to remember thinking it was not that funny. But in retrospect, it’s pretty amazing that someone looked at the medium that produced “The Lockhorns” and thought, “You know, I could use this to explore issues of free will, predetermination and the social relationships of mankind,” and then succeeded in doing so.

Top Guy

1) Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
The tale of a lonely, depressed man and his drug-and-sex-crazed teddy bear is as hilarious as it is depraved. Many of the Neil Swaab’s comics, found at mrwiggleslovesyou.com, are centered around bodily functions, violence and unconventional sex, but storylines also have featured an alcoholic Jesus, buying a senior citizen at a thrift store and a visit from a suicidal future version of Neil.

2) Calvin and Hobbes
Calvin is a precocious six-year-old boy with an active imagination and unique views on culture and politics. Hobbes is his stuffed tiger, who comes to life when no one else is around. The comic was widely read, and with good reason: It managed to be funny, touching and intelligent. Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes’s writer and illustrator, gets special props for never merchandising his characters. (The emblems with Calvin peeing on a Chevy logo are all bootleg.)

3) Bloom County
Doonesbury is considered the gold standard for political humor, but Berkley Breathed’s comic, which filtered politics and culture through the lens of children (with mature personalities and vocabularies) and talking animals in small town Middle America skewered the right and left much more effectively. Bloom County also introduced the world to the penguin Opus, one of the most beloved and enduring characters ever created.

4) The Far Side
Gary Larson is a genius. The Far Side was like The New Yorker comics for people with a weirder sense of humor.

5) Peanuts
This makes the list for two reasons: longevity and influence. Charles Schulz wrote the strip for 50 years, making it the longest running story ever told by one person. And nearly ever other comic artist talks about Schulz in the same excited tones that baseball historians talk about Babe Ruth. Peanuts also was consistently entertaining, and two television specials based on the characters—A Charlie Brown Christmas and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown—are must see holiday fare.

Top 5 Beers

Top Guy

1) Leinenkugel's
The Leinenkugel family has being brewing beer in middle-of-nowhere Wisconsin for more than 140 years. My favorite is Leinenkugel’s Red, but the Original and Honey Weiss also are quite excellent. (There are 11 varieties in all.) You can even cook with a Leinie—the company’s website has an entire section with family recipes that use the beer.

2) Pabst Blue Ribbon
This makes the list for three reasons. One, it did win a blue ribbon in 1893. Two, now that Budweiser is owned by a Belgium corporation, PBR is the quintessential American beer. Three, thanks to Blue Velvet, whenever anybody orders a Heineken within earshot, you can say “Heineken, f--- that sh--. Pabst Blue Ribbon.”

3) Newcastle Brown Ale
The bottle looks cool, the beer tastes great, and the city’s soccer team isn’t half bad either.

4) Guinness
If you don’t like Guinness, then you should just admit that you don’t like beer.

5) Yuengling
Founded in Pottsville , Pennsylvania , in 1829, Yuengling lays claim to being America ’s oldest beer. Pennsylvania has a proud brewing history—the Keystone State was also the birthplace of Rolling Rock and Iron City —and Yuengling is the best cheap beer that never won a blue ribbon.

Top Lady

1) Żywiec
If you live outside of Poland or Chicago you’ve probably never had this beer, which is too bad. Pronounced “Ziv-yetz,” it’s crisp, not too bitter, very smooth, and 6.0% proof (most American beers are around 4.0%).

2) Carlsburg
The thinking man’s Heineken. (That thinker, of course, is Soren Kierkegaard.)

3) Guinness
A German, and American, and an Irishman walk into a bar. The German says “Bartender, give me the best beer in the world—a Beck’s!” Then the American says “No, give me the best beer in the world—a Budweiser!” The Irishman says, “I’ll have a glass of water.” The other two look at him, perplexed, and the Irishman says “Well, if the two of ya’s are drinkin’ it, I didn’t want to be rude.”

4) Barley’s MacLenny's Scottish Ale (Columbus , OH )
As good as some of the international brands can be, beer is meant to be microbrewed. Micropubs and breweries are kind of like indie labels; some get to be “major indies” (like Sam Adams) with worldwide distributors, some remain region-specific, but you can typically find them in the grocery store—especially if they have clever packaging, like Great Lakes Brewing out of Cleveland. But the blessing and curse is finding a great brewpub—and then moving away from being able to enjoy their products. Well, that’s what vacation is for, right?

5) Busch Light in a can
I know. It’s kind of gross. But who hasn’t been to a party, opened up the fridge, and found this to be the only remaining option? Who hasn’t taken a sip of Busch Light out of some aunt or uncle’s can as a kid at a backyard picnic? Also, for some reason, cans of light beer seem to be the only option available for underage high schoolers. Despite its metallic, bitter taste, for many Americans, the taste of Busch Light from a can is our madeleine cookie.

Top 5 Documentaries

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1) Winged Migration (2003)

One of the most beautiful nature films ever made, Winged Migration celebrates the (very difficult) life of migrating birds around the world. Try to look for “behind the scenes” footage of how they captured some of the more amazing shots—especially how the camera joins flying geese at eye-level for a trip down the Seine.

2) I Like Killing Flies (2004)

This documentary profiles Kenny Shopsin, the owner and cook of Shopin’s in New York City, and it probably has more blue language than Reservoir Dogs. Kenny is pretty famous in New York for his attitude and homemade dishes such as Blisters on my Sisters (an egg-and-beans thing) and Postmodern Pancakes (pancakes with chopped-up pancakes mixed in). He’s moved to the Lower East Side but is still in the kitchen—you might want to watch this film first to prepare yourself before you wander in.

3) Helvetica (2007)

There are two kinds of people in the world: those for whom a documentary about a font sounds like a waste of time, and those for whom it sounds like the most exciting two hours possible. I think I fell in the middle before I saw this one (I mean, I bought a ticket), but the genuine interest and liveliness of the filmmaker is what puts it over the top. And, like the best documentaries, you truly walk out of the theater with a different awareness of the world around you.

4) Dig! (2004)

There are a million documentaries about bands (most of them are VH1’s Behind the Music). Director Ondi Timoner was smart enough to tell two stories in one film that shows the meteoric rise of the Dandy Warhols and the everything-that-can-go-wrong-does story of the Brian Jonestown Massacre. Seeing these two bands start out in exactly the same place, but end up with very different careers is a fascinating look into the fickleness of the music business.

5) Ken Burns’ Baseball (1994)

Two years ago, I rented and watched all nine episodes of Ken Burns’s Baseball documentary that was shown on PBS, in preparation for a visit to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. (Dorky? Yes, why do you ask?) Although Burns’s trademark close-ups of old photographs and films serve as great illustrations, it's the first-hand tales from folks such as Buck O’Neil, Red Barber, Bob Feller, Curt Flood, Doris Kearns Goodwin, and many professionals and fans that bring the game’s history alive.

Top Guy

1) Winged Migration (2003)
March of the Penguins was more acclaimed, and Microcosmos was more groundbreaking, but Winged Migration changed the way I think about nature. The documentary follows the lives of migratory birds and the life-and-death struggle that the migration demands. The Oscar-nominated film is simple yet beautiful, respectfully removed yet powerfully emotional.

2) The Fog of War (2003)
I hate Robert McNamara, and this documentary made me hate him even more. It was hailed as the first time McNamara, the secretary of Defense during the Kennedy and Johnson administrations, admitted that the Vietnam War was a mistake—an admission that was only 30 years too late. Errol Morris is arguably the best documentary filmmaker ever, but he lets McNamara off the hook time and again. Still, it’s fascinating to see the inner workings of McNamara’s truly evil mind.

3) When We Were Kings (1996)
The film is ostensibly about the famed 1974 Ali-Foreman boxing match in Zaire, and it would make the list if it stopped with that historic fight. However, director Leon Gast also weaved in subplots about Mobutu Sese Suko’s brutal dictatorship, the aftermath of colonialism in Africa, a fight-related concert featuring James Brown and B.B. King, and the reaction of black American stars returning to Africa.

4) One Day in September (1999)
Palestinian terrorist group Black September abducted 11 Israeli athletes during the 1972 Munich Olympics. Although you already know the outcome going in—the standoff ended with Jim McKay’s famous words “They’re all gone”—it’s fascinating how many times you’ll think “This might work” as the German police try another daring but ill-planned and ill-executed attempt to free the hostages.

5) Looking for Richard (1996)
Richard III is my favorite Shakespeare play, and this documentary is a major reason why. Al Pacino and a who’s who list of A-list actors attempt to stage the play, and the film cuts between staged scenes, interviews with academics and readings between the actors as they try to figure out what exactly is going on. The result is a terrific film about the creative process that brings you closer to the wonderful source material in a way that simply reading or watching the play does not.

Top 5 Olympic Events

Top Lady

1) Track and Field
I realize a lot of events fall under track and field: running, shot put, discus, high jump, long jump and hurdles. But they are compelling and exciting because there are few complicated rules or strategies: just be the fastest or strongest. It’s pretty easy to imagine the ancient Greeks doing these.

2) Luge
The luge is sledding gone insane. It is the fastest event in all of the Olympics (summer or winter) and, aside from gymnastics, might be the one that requires the most muscle control. The only thing crazier than the luge is the skeleton, in which the pilot does all that zipping around, inches to the ground, face first.

3) Gymnastics
Like track and field, a lot of activities fall under gymnastics: floor, pommel horse, rings, balance beam, parallel and uneven bars. These athletes’ bodies are like perfect machines, and the stunts they do put Cirque du Soleil to shame.

4) Ski Jump
OK, we’re going to strap some pieces of wood to your feet and send you speeding down this hill. At the end, jump off, fly for a few seconds, and then land in one piece. Sound good? (For an example of when it didn’t work out so well, check out the “Agony of Defeat” guy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vinko_Bogataj)

5) High Dive
Perhaps I’m so impressed by this because the most I could manage as a kid was an arrow-straight, feet first, nose-holding plummet off of the high board. That someone has the ab strength to manage all those twists and turns and not manage to end with a giant backflop will always amaze me. Plus, there’s always the chance someone will chuck it all and do a cannonball.

Top Guy

1) Baseball
Sadly, the Beijing games will be the last Olympic hurrah for the greatest sport on Earth. It’s even sadder because baseball has truly become a world sport, with teams from North, Central and South America, Europe and Asia all holding medal hopes. Major League Baseball has filled the void, at least partially, through the World Baseball Classic, but winning that tournament can’t compare to Olympic gold.

2) Hockey
Without hockey, there would have never been the “Miracle on Ice.” As a three-year-old, I was too young to remember a bunch of American college kids upsetting the nearly invincible Russian squad, but I do remember the U-S-A chants in the theater when the based-on-a-true-story movie version hit the big screen 24 years later.

3) Swimming
I didn’t catch Olympic fever until I saw Michael Phelps win his first race. I don’t plan on missing any of Phelps’s events as he tries for an unbelievable eight gold medals. This also seems to be the sport with the most trash talking—Alain Bernard said the French were going to “smash” the Americans in Beijing, and the Australians raced right past U.S. swimmers in 2004 after American Gray Hall Jr. said that “We’ll smash them like guitars.”

4) Basketball
There’s a reason Yao Ming carried the flag for China this year: This sport has the most star power in the Olympics. The 1992 Dream Team was one of the best Olympic stories ever, and their dominating performance sparked a worldwide interest in the sport that has resulted in a huge infusion of foreign superstars (Ming, Dirk Nowitzski, Manu Ginobili) into the NBA.

5) Marathon
This could be considered the Olympic event. First, like the Olympics, it originated in Greece. Second, it embodies two-thirds of the Olympic motto: Citius (faster) and Fortius (stronger). Third, it’s coach potato proof—unlike beach volleyball or shooting, you can’t sit on your couch and (however fleetingly) think “I can do that.”

Top 5 Seinfeld Episodes

Top Guy

1) The Contest
The beauty about Seinfeld was that each show had various plotlines interweaving. While most viewers remember the “Master of Your Domain” contest between the four principal characters, they might not remember that this is the same episode where Jerry dates a virgin, George’s mother is hospitalized after catching him masturbating, Elaine has an exercise class with John Kennedy Jr., and Kramer falls for a nudist in the adjacent building.

2) The Junk Mail
Kramer opts out of the mail—and wages an anti-mail campaign—after getting one too many Pottery Barn catalogs. Hilarity ensues.

3) The Strike
This is the one with Festivus, a truly great anti-Christmas holiday featuring the airing of the grievances and the feats of strength. The episode gets its title from Kramer’s storyline—he goes back to work after being on strike for 12 years.

4) The Implant
As a teenager, I couldn’t tell whether Teri Hatcher’s breasts were real, but I knew they were fantastic. This also is the episode where George double dips a chip.

5) The Race
This is another episode where each character gets a major plotline. Jerry has to race an old high school rival to impress his new girlfriend; George responds to a personal ad in The Daily Worker, and then becomes the Yankees liaison to Cuba; Elaine gets herself and her Communist boyfriend blacklisted from a Chinese restaurant; and Kramer loses his department-store Santa gig for spouting Communist propaganda. And it all happens in less than 30 minutes.

Top Lady

1) The Parking Garage
This episode, which consists entirely of the four characters looking for their car in a garage, perfectly captures the anti-sitcom aesthetic of the show.

2) The Boyfriend (Parts 1 and 2)
Jerry meets Keith Hernandez at the gym, and Hernandez later starts dating Elaine. These two episodes also contain the “JFK” spitting parody (featuring Kramer and Newman), George telling the unemployment office he has a job pending with Vandelay Industries, Kramer dropping a baby, Jerry feeling like things are moving too fast when Keith asks for help moving, and George talking about getting to sleep with a tall woman: “like a giant.”

3) Serenity Now!
George’s dad starts yelling this whenever he gets mad. This is also the one where Kramer installs a screen door, and sits in front of it with a barbecue grill flags, and later, a sparkler. Also, a kid at a bar mitzvah tongues Elaine, because now he is a man.

4) The Susie
This episode has a whole other b-plotline about Kramer’s friend Mike thinking Jerry is a dangerous maniac; but the memorable part is Elaine’s imaginary alter-ego at work, “Susie.” Many memorable sitcoms involve funerals, but this might be the only one for an imaginary person.

5) The Fusilli Jerry
Where to begin? Most memorably, Kramer gets a license plate that says “ASSMAN” by accident but uses it to park in a doctor’s parking space at the hospital. This one also features “stopping short” and “the Move” (passed on from Jerry to Elaine’s boyfriend Puddy to George).